Once upon a time, a really dorky princess spent a day watching increasingly ridiculous stunt contouring videos.
Hammers. High heels. Knives. There was no limit to the totally bonkers things that people put on their faces in order to get cheekbones sharp enough to kill a man. It's a silly video trend, but it makes people laugh — and she always wants to make people laugh.
And then the princess had a brainwave: wine contouring. She sprang from her bed at 2 o'clock in the morning, wrote a script for a video poking fun at the silly things beauty gurus tell us to do to our faces, and filmed it the next day.
Here is that video. Hold onto your butts, because it's awesome.
I even got to go on the Today Show and teach Hoda and Kathie Lee my wine contouring ways.
You can watch the clip, in which I call Donald Trump out for being orange as hell, right here.