kimoji perfume
photo: KKW Beauty

Ladies and gentlemen. Petty children of all ages. Today we have been TRULY blessed.

Kim Kardashian's Kimoji fragrance line officially launched today. The perfumes come in packaging that looks like giant candy hearts, which makes them a cute Valentine for someone you love.

Kim, it seems, is sending them to people she hates.

In a recent Snapchat story, Kim showed the world who she was personally sending Kimoji fragrances to, and it is a literal Burn Book of noted Kardashian haters.

Submitted for your approval: This snapchat from Kim K's official account, showing her *personal* list of the people she's sending Kimoji perfumes to.

kim kardashian hates
photo: Kim Kardashian Snapchat

That's 48 names written on different colored Post-It notes — I assume that's to reflect the blue, purple, and pink packaging of each of the Kimoji perfumes — with everyone from YouTuber Desi Perkins to Teyana Taylor set to receive a personal Kim package.

Seems pretty standard at first glance, right? Maybe a little random, but hey, variety is the Kardashian spice of life?


In her Snap Story, Kim says she's sending these perfumes "To my lovers, to my haters, to everyone I can think of." And — HOLD UP.

kkw beauty
photo: KKW Beauty

This is now no longer a simple press list, or a reminder to write some cute notes. THIS IS A BURN BOOK.

photo: Giphy

Is this Rihanna-changing-her-Twitter-background-to-your-net-worth levels of shade? Absolutely not. That's a fucking eclipse.

Does it destroy the pettiness curve when you grade it on a Kardashian scale? HELL YEAH IT DOES.

So, as your resident trash encyclopedia, I'm here to tell you who Kim is sending perfume mixed with HATRED to this Valentine's Day.

First, we can eliminate Kim's family — Kris, Kourt, Kylie, Khloe, and Kendall.

kim kardashian haters
photo: Kim Kardashian Snapchat

She may fight with them sometimes, but it would be very ~bad for the brand~ if she sent them a bottle of spiders.

Next, we can eliminate the key members of her glam squad — Mario Dedivanovic and Jen Atkin — as well as Desi and Amrezy, who make up the influencer arm of the Kim Glam Army.

who kim kardashian hates
photo: Kim Kardashian Snapchat

Additionally, Kim's brows have always been done by none other than Anastasia Soare — aka Anastasia Beverly Hills — herself. Amrezy is currently collaborating with ABH on an exclusive highlighter shade. Connections

Now, let's cross out long-time, undisputed Kardashian friends: Cher, Chrissy Teigen, Anna Wintour, Paris Hilton, Ciara, Lala, Teyana Taylor, and Hailey Baldwin.

kim kardashian edit
photo: Kim Kardashian Snapchat

Do we notice a certain... TREND emerging?

Let's now cross out Kimmy's Instagram friends — Kim Zolciac, Cardi B, Karreuche Tran — and her highest profile fan, Jennifer Lawrence.

kim kardashian enemies
photo: Kim Kardashian Snapchat

Kim leaves Cardi love on Instagram all the time, and Kim Z was quick to congratulate Kim K on her pregnancy. Karreuche and Kim had a rocky start, but do post Instagrams together occasionally.

And of course, Jennifer Lawrence freaking LOVES "Keeping Up With The Kardashians," and talks about the show all the time. So of course Kimmy loves her.

Finally, I'm putting a questionmark on the ambiguous frenemies — the people I suspect Kim is fighting with, but can't really confirm.

kim kardashian enemies
photo: Kim Kardashian Snapchat

Lindsey Lohan is engaged in some petty, ambiguous beef with Kim over weird-ass Instagram drama.

Mariah Carey ALLEGEDLY does not like Kim — possibly because Kim and Mariah's ex Nick Cannon used to date? — but neither have ever publicly burned the other.

And finally, Coco Austin, married to Ice-T, once said that it was SHE, not Kim, who brought thick girls into the mainstream. That's a burn by proxy, which I doubt Kim would forget, but I also don't think she's actively mad about it.

WHICH LEAVES US WITH THE ENTIRETY OF THE BLUE COLUMN, who are apparently some of Kim K's *sworn* enemies.

kim kardashian enemies
photo: Kim Kardashian Snapchat

I mean, I don't know if I'd send *my* enemies perfume — but I also don't have a million dollar beauty brand, so who knows what the logic here is?

Let's take a closer look at this KKW Burn Book, shall we? Computer, enhance!

kim kardashian haters
photo: Kim Kardshian Snapchat

Sarah Michelle Gellar and Janice Dickinson publicly shit-talked Kim and Kanye's Vogue cover.

Piers Morgan famously attacked Kim's now-iconic nude mirror selfie for being "unfeminist," and has gone on to target her in the media. Chloe Grace Moretz also slut-shamed Kim over this selfie, then called Kardashian's reaction "sad." Pink, Bette Midler, Wendy WilliamsNaya Rivera, and Sharon Osbourne likely also appear on this list for this reason.

Blac Chyna, who has a daughter with Kim's brother Rob, has a LONG, convoluted history with all the Kardashians — Kim especially.

Chelsea Handler said that the Kardashians are to blame for the Trump presidency.

And as for Taylor Swift... well, we all know about THAT.

Actual footage of Kim making this list:

photo: Giphy

Since the blue post-its may correspond to her blue "Bae" perfume, maybe that means that Bae is an acronym for something else...

kkw haters
photo: KKW Fragrance

Bitches Are Envious, maybe? Or Bitches And Enemies? Maybe Business And Enemies?

WHO KNOWS. Truthfully, with weirdly veiled shade lists like this, ours is not to wonder why.

So it seems like, if you want to get free KKW perfume, all you have to do is talk some shit about Kim in the media — and it could be yours!

kim kardashian perfume
photo: KKW Beauty

I mean, assuming Kim hasn't just sent them a giant box of scorpions. Which I'm sure (?) she hasn't (??). KKW is above such things.

RELATED: We tried the KKW Creme Contour kit — here's what we thought.

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