Ladies and gentlemen. Petty children of all ages. Today we have been TRULY blessed.
Kim Kardashian's Kimoji fragrance line officially launched today. The perfumes come in packaging that looks like giant candy hearts, which makes them a cute Valentine for someone you love.
Kim, it seems, is sending them to people she hates.
In a recent Snapchat story, Kim showed the world who she was personally sending Kimoji fragrances to, and it is a literal Burn Book of noted Kardashian haters.
Submitted for your approval: This snapchat from Kim K's official account, showing her *personal* list of the people she's sending Kimoji perfumes to.
That's 48 names written on different colored Post-It notes — I assume that's to reflect the blue, purple, and pink packaging of each of the Kimoji perfumes — with everyone from YouTuber Desi Perkins to Teyana Taylor set to receive a personal Kim package.
Seems pretty standard at first glance, right? Maybe a little random, but hey, variety is the Kardashian spice of life?
WAIT FOR IT.
This is now no longer a simple press list, or a reminder to write some cute notes. THIS IS A BURN BOOK.
Is this Rihanna-changing-her-Twitter-background-to-your-net-worth levels of shade? Absolutely not. That's a fucking eclipse.
Does it destroy the pettiness curve when you grade it on a Kardashian scale? HELL YEAH IT DOES.
So, as your resident trash encyclopedia, I'm here to tell you who Kim is sending perfume mixed with HATRED to this Valentine's Day.
First, we can eliminate Kim's family — Kris, Kourt, Kylie, Khloe, and Kendall.
She may fight with them sometimes, but it would be very ~bad for the brand~ if she sent them a bottle of spiders.
Next, we can eliminate the key members of her glam squad — Mario Dedivanovic and Jen Atkin — as well as Desi and Amrezy, who make up the influencer arm of the Kim Glam Army.
Additionally, Kim's brows have always been done by none other than Anastasia Soare — aka Anastasia Beverly Hills — herself. Amrezy is currently collaborating with ABH on an exclusive highlighter shade. Connections
Now, let's cross out long-time, undisputed Kardashian friends: Cher, Chrissy Teigen, Anna Wintour, Paris Hilton, Ciara, Lala, Teyana Taylor, and Hailey Baldwin.
Do we notice a certain... TREND emerging?
Let's now cross out Kimmy's Instagram friends — Kim Zolciac, Cardi B, Karreuche Tran — and her highest profile fan, Jennifer Lawrence.
Kim leaves Cardi love on Instagram all the time, and Kim Z was quick to congratulate Kim K on her pregnancy. Karreuche and Kim had a rocky start, but do post Instagrams together occasionally.
And of course, Jennifer Lawrence freaking LOVES "Keeping Up With The Kardashians," and talks about the show all the time. So of course Kimmy loves her.
Finally, I'm putting a questionmark on the ambiguous frenemies — the people I suspect Kim is fighting with, but can't really confirm.
Lindsey Lohan is engaged in some petty, ambiguous beef with Kim over weird-ass Instagram drama.
Mariah Carey ALLEGEDLY does not like Kim — possibly because Kim and Mariah's ex Nick Cannon used to date? — but neither have ever publicly burned the other.
And finally, Coco Austin, married to Ice-T, once said that it was SHE, not Kim, who brought thick girls into the mainstream. That's a burn by proxy, which I doubt Kim would forget, but I also don't think she's actively mad about it.
WHICH LEAVES US WITH THE ENTIRETY OF THE BLUE COLUMN, who are apparently some of Kim K's *sworn* enemies.
I mean, I don't know if I'd send *my* enemies perfume — but I also don't have a million dollar beauty brand, so who knows what the logic here is?
Let's take a closer look at this KKW Burn Book, shall we? Computer, enhance!
Piers Morgan famously attacked Kim's now-iconic nude mirror selfie for being "unfeminist," and has gone on to target her in the media. Chloe Grace Moretz also slut-shamed Kim over this selfie, then called Kardashian's reaction "sad." Pink, Bette Midler, Wendy Williams, Naya Rivera, and Sharon Osbourne likely also appear on this list for this reason.
Blac Chyna, who has a daughter with Kim's brother Rob, has a LONG, convoluted history with all the Kardashians — Kim especially.
Chelsea Handler said that the Kardashians are to blame for the Trump presidency.
And as for Taylor Swift... well, we all know about THAT.
Actual footage of Kim making this list:
RELATED: We tried the KKW Creme Contour kit — here's what we thought.
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