Dating has always scared me.
I had one relationship in college and it didn't end well; he broke up with me due to my weight. This was such a blow to my already weak self-esteem that it made me run away from dating.
No, really... I avoided dating for YEARS after that breakup.
Men would ask me out and I'd just lie and tell them I was married. But deep down I knew that I couldn't fib and run forever because of one negative experience.
A Eureka moment came when I met plus-size model Rosie Mercado, who is one of the most charismatic and alluring women on the planet. She told me about a personal challenge she did (after her divorce) based on advice from her life coach — she went on 100 dates in three months.
I was floored by the challenge and knew that I had to try it out for myself.
She gave me four rules for my 100-date challenge:
1. No kissing and no sex!
2. Don't be afraid to politely end a date if it's not going well.
3. Be honest and let them know if you are not interested. (No ghosting, either.)
4. Have fun!
Like most plus-size women, I had to deal with a lot of chubby chasers and fetishizing comments.
When he assumes you have a big butt just because you are plus-size pic.twitter.com/oXCm2di415
— Jessica Torres (@thisisjessicat) September 11, 2016
*eye roll*
Now, I would never ditch a guy because of his looks, but on top of the fact that he most likely Photoshopped his profile pic, we just weren't vibing.
Per Rosie's rules, I should have politely ended the date, but I couldn't bring myself to do it and I stayed for the entire dinner. It was awkward and the convo was terrible and strained.
Rule No. 2 = broken.
Then I met "the kisser," aka the type of guy who goes in for the kiss wayyyyy too soon.
Yes, I kissed him back. Sorry, Rosie! Rule No. 1 = broken.
But I knew I wasn't really interested so I shut it down (as nice as possible) before he could ask for a second date. To my surprise, he took it really well.
Do I get half a point?
I didn't have to fake laugh with Ben.
The conversation flowed and I never once looked at my watch. I actually had fun with Ben, and we've been on more dates since our first meeting.
At the time of this writing, Hugh was my most recent date. Overall, I feel great and I'm going to keep going with the 100-date challenge.
I can definitely feel the change this challenge has spurred in me. I went from avoiding dates at all costs to asking men out. I learned to take control of my dating life.
I don't know if Ben and I will go on more dates, but I do know that I'm finally allowing myself to live and date by my own terms and rules.
I have learned that the size of my body does not take away from my value as a person. I deserve to find love and so do you.
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