I can't preach what I don't practice.

photo: Revelist

Thanks to body positivity, I went from hating my reflection to learning to love myself — I even landed my dream job.

Working at Revelist these last two years, I've become a more public figure in the body-positive community. My job has helped me talk about confidence and self-love, and it's introduced me to the radical idea of not hating yourself because you're fat. It helped me put all my self-image issues behind me. 

Or so I thought. 

Six years ago, I made the conscious decision of loving myself and it changed my life.

After four years of blogging and putting myself out there, I finally landed at Revelist in my dream job — a job where I could talk about how I beat my insecurities, a job where I could use my sense of humor to relate with other plus-size women about the struggles we face. 

I began by making videos on topics that made people uncomfortable.

I faced every fear in front of millions of readers, thinking my insecurities had vanished.

I prided myself on being body positive and I spent hours talking to people online, giving them tips and explaining how I became body positive. 

Asked what body positivity meant to me, I had a clear answer: "Learning to love yourself all the time no matter what."

Don't get me wrong, I still stand by that to this day, but the message was getting blurry and hard to follow. I began to question what I actually meant by that. 

I didn't realize the amount of pressure "love yourself all the time, no matter what" was putting on myself and others.

I was on a body-positive high. It made me so happy to know that others were inspired by the self-love I was putting out there.

Then I started having bad days more often than I could ignore.

I wasn't loving myself "at all times, no matter what," like I was prescribing to everyone else. The self-love goggles were off and I was back to seeing those imperfections. 

Receiving thousands of messages from the people who followed me made me feel guilty when I was having a bad day.

My message of loving yourself no matter what began to feel like a lie. 

How could I allow myself to have bad days when I was trying to teach others to love themselves? I felt a lot of pressure to make myself feel better.

I had to go back to the basics of my self-love journey to find out where I went wrong.

I wanted the good days back; I wanted to be true to my message again. 

What I realized, though, is that feeling great about yourself 24/7 is impossible.

Hitting those rough patches made me feel like I had fallen off my path of body positivity. But, really, I had set myself up for failure, because the mantra alone was only a temporary fix for my body image issues.  

Now I tell myself that body positivity is a journey. I'm not any less of a confident, strong person (or body pos advocate) if I have a few bad days.

I make a conscious decision to try and love myself every day, but feeling amazing 365 days a year is impossible. The trick is to remember that learning to love yourself is a journey and not a final destination.