For some, taking a photo is freezing a perfect moment in time. In fact, it's capturing timelessness itself— unedited, memorable snippets frozen forever in a single shot. Perhaps that is exactly what always terrified me of getting my photo taken.
Despite the fact that I was always ferociously loved by family, friends, and my husband, I could never muster an ounce of love for myself. No matter what job I had, what kind thing I had done, or what I accomplished, there was nothing that made me worthy enough, nothing worth capturing.
Whenever a photo was taken of me, I'd immediately look for all the things I could rip apart. My double chin, the size of my arm compared to my best friend's — it never mattered. I saw flaws everywhere. And frankly, hating yourself that much is exhausting.
I had tried everything under the sun to work on my confidence privately. I'd worn brighter lipsticks, lost weight, and even tried cutting all my hair off. And while those things helped, it was fleeting. I'd still look at photographs with disgust and shame.
Until one day, about a year ago, when I snapped a selfie.