photo: Reuters

Kim Kardashian West bared (almost) all on Snapchat (again) late Thursday night (September 15), and somewhere, Chloe Grace Moretz is probably feeling scandalized and personally insulted. 

While in Miami for Kanye's Saint Pablo tour, Kim opted for a midnight spray tan and — of course — shared the results on social media. If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? Similarly, if something happens in Kim K's life and she doesn't share it on social media, did it actually happen? These are the questions that keep me up at night, folks.

"Nothing like a midnight spray tan, you guys," the reality star said in an accompanying video on Snapchat.

Her hands and a strategically placed makeup bag kept her from *actually* baring all in the Snaps. Which is cool. Just because we've already seen it all before doesn't mean she no longer has control over what she chooses to share when.

She then referred to herself as "tanorexic." Which, like, could you not, Kim?

Kim. No. After all of the actually thoughtful, progressive things you've said in the past months, could you stick to that and not make joking references to eating disorders, please? We're rooting for you, damnit!

She also took to Instagram to celebrate the birthday of her assistant and "main bitch," Stephanie Sheppard.

In all seriousness I'm going to be totally selfless for this one last post. Thanks for being my main bitch! Happy Birthday!

A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on

And damn am I jealous of Kim's assistant (a sentence I never thought I'd say). Sure, there's probably a bunch of *actual* work she's responsible for, but the slew of birthday posts were all from a vacation in Mexico. Her life as an assistant probably isn't this glamorous and sun-soaked ALL the time, right? Right?!

*Returns to bitterly sipping lukewarm coffee at office desk.*