As we all attempt to avoid becoming stir-crazy in our homes during social distancing and self-quarantining, we're turning to, well, less conventional forms of entertainment. And by "less conventional," I mean the movie Cats, which is now streaming on iTunes and Amazon. 

I tried to forget that this movie exists. I thought my nightmares about singing cats had subsided — until Seth Rogen took over to live-tweet the entire film WHILE HE WAS HIGH. Reader, I do not know if I will sleep soundly tonight with this information. And if I must bear it, so must you.

1

Rogen lived through my worst nightmare.

I don't smoke weed — and I haven't smoked it in literally over 15 years — because it gives me panic attacks. So the idea of watching Cats, which is scary enough, while stoned? NOPE, NOPE, NOPE.  But he did it. And like everyone who saw the movie, Rogen still has no idea what a Jellicle is.

2

Cats is nothing! The only plot is cats singing about themselves!

Stoned Rogen stumbled onto the aesthetic paradox that is the Cats movie: It's lack of cohesion, structure, form, and purpose. The plot is just cats singing songs about being cats, there's nothing deep or meaningful within its CGI whiskers. Cats exists because it can. Not because it should.

3

Rogen was APPALLED.

Rogen had to live through the horror that is Judi Dench as a singing cat who is wearing a coat  potentially made out of other cats. How did his stoned brain process that level of cognitive dissonance? I can't imagine.

4

This is where Rogen starts to lose his mind.

It's obvious that, at some point, Rogen was going to lose control of his higher processing. During the milk bar scene, his poor THC-soaked brain made the leap to Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange, a film that is just as scary as Cats but in a completely different way.

5

My personal favorite tweet.

All of Rogen's stoned tweet fest is worth reading, but this one deserved a spot in my Twitter bookmarks. Idris Elba isn't just a respected actor, he's also one of the confirmed COVID-19 cases. Good on Rogen for giving Elba one less thing to stress out about!

6

He couldn't make it through the film.

Of course, Rogen could only handle so much. He stopped live-tweeting the movie and switched over to 90 Day Fiancé, which is a completely different level of terror. When times are uncertain, humans will reach out for comfort — and objectively trash entertainment.