The Spice Girls are England's most valuable export ever. No discussion. Case closed. No further evidence, your honor.
Mel B — AKA Scary Spice — recently said that the iconic '90s girl group is really, truly reuniting for another tour. So let's pretend for a moment that all is right in the world, and this tour actually happens. Our beloved Girls Named Spice need the perfect opening act, right? If the recent New Kids on the Block x Backstreet Boys tours have taught us anything, it's that nostalgia acts are better together.
Here are 13 bands, groups, and performers that would be PERFECT compliments to a 2019 Spice World tour.
The Backstreet Boys
"Quit playing games with my heart" and just do this already. I need it. The world needs it. They're ready. We're ready. The Backstreet Boys prove that, to this day, they can still pull crowds — they have a residency at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas, and their fans still show up in droves.
In the late 90's, you belonged to one of two camps: Backstreet or *NSYNC. I was a Backstreet girl. My friend Michele was an *NSYNC girl. The relationship never lasted but that's neither here nor there.
*NSYNC was recently honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and they all looked smiley and friendly! Could a reunion be on the horizon? Will breakout star Justin Timberlake re-join his boyband of yore? Probably not... but MAYBE!
I *liiiiiived* for All Saints back in the day. They were the multi-cultural, grown-up, sexy girl group that made every teen girl feel like they were listening to something they shouldn't be.
Marketed as the less cartoonish, "real" version of The Spice Girls, All Saints' themes of heartbreak and betrayal were like the epilogue to the Spice Girls' love songs. The Spice Girls sang about the fantasy of love and All Saints talked about the pain of love. Seeing these two iconic groups on stage together would be a dream.
Like our Spice Girls, Girls Aloud was another British, five-member girl group that blew the roof off with catchy pop anthems. Though the group is no longer together, alas for my anglophile heart, fans would show up in droves to see them reunite. Plus, give "Something Kind of Ooooh" a listen, and imagine a Spice duet!
"I'm just a girl in the world. That's all that you'll let me be..." I could keep going but I won't.
If The Spice Girls were the classic '90s pop act, No Doubt brought pop-punk and ska straight into the mainstream. Fronted by the fabulous Gwen Stefani, ND proved that anything boys could do, girls could do better. When "Just A Girl" exploded onto MTV, the world changed. Everyone at my school wanted to be Gwen Stefani. Boys, too!
If we could get Gwen on board and knock out this fictional tour, my heart would EXPLODE. Plus, No Doubt's songs giving voice to female rage and heartache would definitely resonate in 2018.
LFO — AKA Lite Funky Ones (and I'm not kidding) — was one of those groups that could only exist in 1999. Blame it on all the Y2K anxiety.
Their hit "Summer Girls" rhymed, "I like girls who wear Abercrombie & Fitch" with "Chinese food makes me sick" and, in retrospect, a lot of that song is problematic. But I can't deny LFO their place in the 90's pop music canon.
If you love catchy tunes, adorable Irish brogues and casual French sayings, B*Witched and their hit song "C'est La Vie" was the '90s group for you. Seriously, look no further. That song is still a bop, Irish fiddle breakdown and all.
That's what makes B*Witched the perfect act to tour with The Spice Girls. Their happy, poppy songs are the perfect hit of pure nostalgia, and besides, the group is already touring with the original lineup. Call them, Spice management!
Boys II Men
Boys II Men are *definitely* men now, and they're ready to slay our hearts wide open. (Sidebar: I can't even deal with their matching outfits in this picture.) They still perform to sold-out venues and you'd be lying if you told me you didn't know all the words to "I'll Make Love To You." Imagine them singing along with our Girls on "2 Become 1."
TLC is one of those bands that will forever be in our hearts — even though the lineup is forever changed.
Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, the "L" in TLC, died in 2002, but her sisters in music carried on the group's legacy and have continued recording and performing.
I didn't set out to give everyone a tutorial on British '90s pop, but here we are. Take That is great. Take That is where we first laid eyes on Robbie Williams. Therefore, praise be to Take That.
If the full lineup — including Williams — came back and reunited with The Spice Girls, the scream-level would be through the roof. Make it happen, o gods of pop music!
S Club 7
Do me a favor watch the video for "S Club Party" right now. RIGHT NOW. It's so catchy that I actually feel bad for doing this to you. No, I don't.
But imagine that song performed live to an audience of thousands of screaming Spice fans. There could be nothing more perfect!
Ace Of Base
I bet you thought I forgot about our Swedish friends, Ace of Base. I did not. I could never!
Though many of Ace of Base's songs were less poppy than The Spice Girls' oeuvre, it doesn't mean that songs like "The Sign" don't still absolutely bang. Get them on the tour docket. This would be the most fun show in tour history.
Since we're playing pretend...
Destiny's Child and The Spice Girls reunite for a powerhouse tour that forever changes feminist messaging, pop music, choreography, stage design and visual effects. Nothing was ever the same. Concert tagline: I came, I saw, I conquered.
Roll credits. The world is changed. The end.
Just imagine it.
Hey, we can dream, right?