Kids say the darndest things. They also think the darndest things. About everything. But especially sex.
And when we were kids, we were no exception. That's why I polled the Revelist team, Twitter, and Facebook for the strangest and funniest misconceptions we had about sex as kids.
Side note: As hilarious as some of these are, this is also one of the reasons why I'm SO for proper sex ed in schools — so that kids know what ACTUALLY goes on in the first place.
Alright, that's enough PSA for now. On to the quotes!
"I knew that babies were made by sex, but i thought that was the only reason anyone ever had sex. So when my mom got her tubes tied I asked her why she couldn't just 'stop mating.'"
"The girls in my class had to watch a video about abortion in 8th grade. It was a formerly atheist nurse who'd 'found Jesus.' She stood in front of a table of surgical instruments and described the procedure in graphic detail. Then a bunch of women were like, 'we had abortions and regret them.' So I guess I thought all women came to regret their abortions for awhile. Oh, AND while the girls watched the video the boys had extended recess!!!!"
— Liv M.
"I thought French kissing meant kissing naked."
— Kate W.
"I thought you could get pregnant if you kissed too long and had a very heated argument with classmates during my third grade art class about it."
— Mandy V.
"When I was little, I had no idea that a guy's penis would actually change sizes throughout the day. I kind of thought they just were what they were — like boobs. So obviously it's conceivable it would grow or shrink over the course of time, but I was definitely not ready to find out the truth. It always confused me when people would talk about it shrinking in the pool or in the cold. I was like, why would anyone do that to themselves? And how small could it get? Good times."
"I thought that kids happened by wishing for them. Like you could decide which gender you wanted when you decided you were ready to have kids. And then you were just like, 'I want a kid.' And it showed up. I'm still just as confused about the whole thing but my doc says that's not the case."
— Logan T.
"For a long time I thought sex was simply the situation of being naked while near another person who was not a family member. Around the age of eight or nine I had the misfortune of reading a book by Anne Rice entitled 'The Tale of the Body Snatcher,' which described both male and female parts as their 'organs' (i.e., Anne Rice apparently did not have access to a thesaurus), at which point I was utterly confused as to what was going on."
— Matt C.
"You know what I thought was a thing for a while? I read this urban legend about a woman who got pregnant after she was shot by a bullet that had already passed through a man’s balls and picked up some of his sperm on the way out, and I thought it was totally real. I didn’t make this up."
— Victoria M.
"My father told me that sperm multiplied in my testicles. I thought my sperm were my testicles, and that as I got older, THEY would multiply."
— MJ H.
"I thought that boys' penises grew a little bit/got a little bit harder every time they had an erection, and that when they were totally hard alllll the time, then they could have sex. I thought this from like ages 10-12, haha."
— L. J-L.