Barneys had a great run by many measures. The retailer opened its doors in 1923 and kept its luxury appeal alive for almost a century, but Barneys declared bankruptcy and is the latest casualty in the retail apocalypse. We'd pour one out, except Barneys continues to troll us with its "liquidation" sale.

By sale, I mean, it is slashing prices between 5% to 10% off. That's it. 5% off on luxury goods. The sales tax in New York City alone is 8.875%; this "sale" doesn't even cover the price of buying stuff in New York. If you were hoping to score amazing deals on an oversize Balenciaga parka coat or a holographic Jin Soon nail polish, don't hold your wallet open. Naturally, the internet had a blast roasting this sale over a fire pit.


Do the math on these discounts. We'll wait.

Twitter user @bethanybiron posted about the in-store fire sale taking place. On a $2,250 bag, you get the sale price of $2,137.50. That's a savings of a whole $112.50! Doing the math, that comes out to exactly 5%. Turns out high school algebra is useful for something — rolling your eyes at Barneys' liquidation sale.


That's right, some brands aren't even being discounted at all.

Barneys won't discount Louis Vuitton Moët Hennessy brands at all, reported the New York Times. This includes luxury apparel and accessories brands like Celine, Christian Dior, Fendi, Givenchy, Marc Jacobs, and Louis Vuitton. LVMH also owns beauty and cosmetic brands, including Benefit, Make Up For Ever, and Fenty Beauty.


Business Insider had an (un?)intentionally hilarious article about disappointed Barneys shoppers.

Funny tweets about the Barneys 5% sale are one thing, funny articles are another. This Business Insider story has me cracking up. The journalist went to Barneys and reported on the sale. They found that Barneys was attempting to "maintain a luxurious veneer," as though they were just pretending that liquidation sale wasn't happening at all.

Still, they found some signs of the crashing gilded house, like blank sales tags and piles of merchandise.


Save a whopping $19.25 on this handbag!

Nobody said buying luxury products was cheap, but Barneys is truly playing another game with this "sale." Like, the store is closing. Barneys New York is done. It's over. No one cares about preserving the institution's luxury cachet anymore. Give it up, and give the people 75% off.


No one is arguing with this one.

I'm screaming at these tweets. SCREAMING. I cannot stop laughing. Barneys is a marshmallow at the end of a stick, gently roasting over a bonfire so we can eat s'mores, in the form of a pair of Rag and Bone jeans for like $20. 

I mean, THE AUDACITY. Who is this discount for? Who believes this is actually a discount? The kind of company that thinks a 5% sale is a good deal is the kind of company that would be going bankrupt.


Don't worry, a better sale is coming, supposedly.

The Times also reports that the 5% off sale is just the beginning of the liquidation and that prices are expected to plunge later in the year "based on a somewhat mathematical, somewhat artful formula," Scott Carpenter told the Times. Carpenter is the president of retail solutions for the group that is operating the liquidation.

As for the timeline on deeper discounts? There's no information about that, but maybe, just maybe, prices will go down enough that we can afford to score ourselves something fancy for the holidays. Us plebeian folks can dream — and laugh.