It seems like people are constantly assuming women are too pretty, too feminine, and too doll-like to possibly have regular bodily functions. No one knows this better than John Updike, a renowned 20th-century author who had no idea how female bodily functions work. 

Julia Carpenter, a journalist, was recently reading one of Updike's novels when she found a passage that claimed that all women have trouble urinating and that men are wholly superior at urination.

Not only did Updike call female urination a "maze," he thoroughly believed that men are better at peeing in general.

The passage reads:

"But she was, for the bathroom door didn't altogether close, due to the old frame of the house settling over the centuries, and she had to sit on the toilet some minutes waiting for the pee to come. Men, they were able to conjure it up immediately, that was one of their powers, that thunderous splashing as they stood lordly above the bowl. Everything about them was more direct, their insides weren't the maze women's were, for the pee to find its way through."  

No, this isn't satire. Apparently we envy how superior men are at peeing. If only we had the power to urinate as "lordly" as men; if only our pee was thunderous... but obviously our insides are a maze of confusion. 

Along with roasting Updike, Twitter was quick to point out that our urinary tracts are actually shorter than men's...

twitter
photo: Twitter
Twitter
photo: Twitter
Twitter
photo: Twitter

... so, technically, we are more direct in that function.

Twitter
photo: Twitter
Twitter
photo: Twitter
Twitter
photo: Twitter

Let this be a lesson to other men, lest they end up being roasted on Twitter just like Updike.