Some things simply aren't for women.

Even everyday household items aren't always safe for the lady-brained: who knows what "harmless" objects will send us into a violent rage, or worse, cause us to spontaneously period all over the place.

Also, women are made of glass and papier mâché so it's very important we never touch certain hand sanitizers or body lotions. It's just science.

That's why we need dude products — you know, stuff only an incredibly fragile ego can handle. Ladies, try these at your own risk:


Dude Wipes

This glorified toilet paper is made of cactus quills and glass bottle shards, which only DUDE BUTTS can withstand.


Men's Tea

This ultra-masculine blend pairs best with an annotated copy of "Howl," which no woman has ever read.


Dr. Pepper "Ten"

This soda's man bubbles are far too severe for our female digestive tracts. We'd balloon up like Violet Beauregard and have no one to blame but ourselves.


Kleenex "Mansize"

Too XTREME for our lady faces.


"Manitizer:" Hand sanitizer for men

Can you even imagine being this embarrassing?


Banana Boat sunscreen FOR MEN, not women OR ANYONE ELSE.

Banana Boat might protect you from UV rays, but nothing can save you from the gnawing existential pain that inspired you to buy this!


Man Candle in "Fart" scent

Nothing says "I'm comfortable with myself" like a fart-scented candle worth $12.