America is filled with anti-abortion activists and there's not much we can do about it. Comedian Sarah Silverman, however, has a solution. Make reproductive laws even stricter — for men.

During a May 22 stand-up set at the Brooklyn Academy of Music in New York City, the 45-year-old suggested an equal opportunity proposition for pro-lifers: Stop men from masturbating, so a sperm's life can be spared. 

"Here's something that I learned that is fascinating, and it's this: Scientists have found that sperm cells smell," Silverman said during her set. "Like I know sperm smells, but sperm cells have the sense of smell, and you know what that means: Sperm is life. And you know what that means: We've gotta legislate that shit."



Science may not be on Silverman's side, but law may be. In the words of our favorite lawyer, Elle Woods, "Why now? Why this sperm?"

As the Reese Witherspoon-played character said in "Legally Blonde," "All masturbatory emissions where his sperm was clearly not seeking an egg could be termed reckless abandonment." Or murder.

Silverman is proposing regulation for those men — like Ted Cruz — who regularly masturbate without consideration for the poor sperm cells they kill every time they ejaculate. 

There is some truth to what Silverman is saying. If sperm can smell, then sperm is alive — and a couple studies have found that sperm can actually smell an egg.

Studies going back to at least 1992 have confirmed sperm's ability to sniff out an egg. One study in 2012, however, dismantled the idea that sperm cells can smell outside of a controlled environment. That's a shame because those other studies really support Silverman's ingenious plan.



How does Silverman plan to legislate sperm? By showing men the life in their balls.

Silverman suggests instituting rules similar to the ones in multiple states that require women to look at ultrasounds of their fetuses before having abortions.

"What we'll do is — it's a real simple procedure. We take a really long needle-like basically GoPro camera and we put it down your penis hole, urethra… then down into your testicular sack," Silverman said. "We're going to show you the ultrasound, so you can see the life in your balls."

Hopefully, this fantastic plan will save those poor, innocent sperm cells from the heartless men who aren't afraid to kill them with their bare hands.