Martha Stewart is my hero.

Seriously; she's iconic. The woman has built an empire out of being an absolute, take-no-shit perfectionist. I myself am a detail-oriented taskmaster who dreams of taking over the world; her dedication to nothing but the very best is inspirational.

But even though I idolize Martha, and want to be just like her, I do not cook. Ever.

I know it's not ideal, but I also know I'm not alone; my excuses are probably the same as yours: I'm busy. I'm lazy. I get home late. There aren't many grocery stores near my apartment. I can just let my boyfriend make dinner.

But mostly, I don't cook because I've always been told that I'm bad at cooking. I have zero confidence in my kitchen abilities, but a LOT of faith that I will, somehow, fuck things up.

So when I heard that MY QUEEN Martha Stewart had created her own super-easy meal delivery service, I knew I had to try it.

martha stewart cooking
photo: Marley Spoon

Marley Spoon, right from the outset, sounded like something that I'd be into. You pick the Martha-approved recipes you want to make from the weekly menu, and then bam, everything is delivered straight to your door, fresh and pre-portioned. The site promises awesome ingredients, and easy recipes for not a tonne of money — Marley Spoon has plans starting at $48 for two people, and $78 for a family of four.

Would Marley Spoon turn me into a domestic goddess like my hero, Martha Stewart? There was only one way to find out.

My four-day Marley Spoon meal box arrived at 2pm on Monday, and I was so excited to get home and actually make my own food — something I never look forward to, ever.

marley spoon box
photo: Alle / Revelist

I selected a good range of recipes to cook for the week: Chicken and pasta soup with spinach and sweet potatoes, chickpea and red pepper soup with cheesy pull-apart rolls, Andouille sausages and bean stew with caramelized fennel and kale salad, and steak and potatoes with green bean vinaigrette.

I know; that all sounds VERY fancy. But I was ready to try.

Inside the box were my four meals, each packaged up in their own easy-to-store paper bags.

marley spoon box
photo: Alle / Revelist

I didn't unpack this box until 7, and everything inside was still chilled (which, same). Martha knows about safe delivery of perishables.

The first meal I made was the chicken and pasta soup.

marley spoon box
photo: Alle / Revelist

Marley Spoon sent freaking EVERYTHING — even two wee packets of chicken broth concentrate. All I needed to have at home was a big-ass pot, salt, olive oil, flour, and pepper. Easy.

And weirdly, it WAS easy.

martha stewart box
photo: Alle / Revelist

Because I'm not a very experienced cook, I sometimes find it hard to follow cursory, all-text recipes. The BEST thing about Marley Spoon were the recipe cards, which were not only detailed, but had pictures. THIS IS MY LEVEL.

The next best part was how stinking easy everything was to prepare. Each recipe bag comes with the exact right amount of food, so you save a tonne of time measuring and prepping — and you don't throw a bunch of shit away.

AND PREPARE IT I DID. Look at this luxurious-ass soup that I made!

martha stewart cooking
photo: Alle / Revelist

I didn't even set anything on fire.

Not only did I make the soup, I made it while on the phone with my best friend. That's how you know a recipe is easy!

martha stewart marley spoon
photo: Alle / Revelist

Hi, Michael! Thanks for keeping me company though this!

Because I had to photograph this recipe, my cooking time was much longer than it should have been. But I've made this same recipe since — I can give no higher compliment than that — and it took me 20 minutes flat.

I rate this first Marley Spoon recipe five Marthas out of five: quick, easy, delicious, all with minimal cleaning up.

martha stewart marley spoon
photo: Alle / Revelist

Not only was this tasty, it boosted my confidence. I can cook chicken soup; I can take on the world! I was ready to try something more complicated the next night.

On Tuesday, I made chickpea and red pepper soup with cheesy rolls. And also an existential crisis.

martha stewart box
photo: Alle / Revelist

This recipe had a lot of moving parts, and I am a fallible human. Readers, I struggled.

This recipe required a lot of prep: things needed to be chopped, mashed, diced, drained, zested, and grated. My kitchen quickly became disorganized.

marley spoon cooking
photo: Alle / Revelist

For an experienced cook, this is probably not a problem — but for me, it was a little overwhelming.

I also committed an unforgivable error by not reading the recipe all the way through first — and my soup paid the price.

martha stewart red pepper soup
photo: Alle / Revelist

The recipe card even tells you to read carefully. FORGIVE ME, MARTHA, FOR I HAVE SINNED.

So when the time came to use an immersion blender (?) or food processor (???) to puree the soup, I was like "HOLY HELL DO I HAVE ANY OF THOSE THINGS?" Sure, the recipe says you can leave it chunky, but AS IF I'm going to serve chunky soup when Martha shows it smooth.

Anyway; it turned out OK. I did have a blender, and the day was saved.

The end result was delicious, if time-consuming.

martha stewart soup
photo: Alle / Revelist

This recipe says it only takes 25 minutes; I took an hour and a half. This is probably because I am a sad baby who accidentally zested her thumb along with the lemon and didn't know what an immersion blender was.

But I did eat both of those cheesy rolls myself. No regrets.

I give this Marley Spoon soup three Marthas out of five: yummy, but points minused for my crises.

three marthas
photo: Alle / Revelist

My pride took a beating. I felt very unlike Martha, so I ate too much of this soup to mask my feelings, and promised to do better the next time.

Wednesday night, my boyfriend came home from his business trip! Yay! To celebrate, I cooked Andoullie sausage with bean stew with caramelized fennel and kale salad.

martha stewart meal box
photo: Alle / Revelist

Lindsey is the cook in our relationship, so if you're wondering whether I picked this recipe because it sounds incredibly impressive... yes. Yes, I did.

And it worked; he says he was REALLY impressed by it.

There's no good way to photograph a cooking sausage, so here's a juicy shot of the TOTALLY GODDAMNED AMAZING bean stew.

martha stewart bean stew
photo: Alle / Revelist

Marley Spoon, once again, was on my level with a meal that seemed complicated, but was actually super-simple. It also made my entire house smell great, which made me very happy.

This meal wins the prize for looking the most like its photo — and was a major hit.

martha stewart meal box
photo: Alle / Revelist

While all the ingredients Marley Spoon delivered were super high quality, these sausages were the winner by a damn mile. They were SO GOOD — rich and spicy and tender. I still think about them.

This third Marley Spoon recipe gets four and a half Marthas: MISS U, SAUSAGES.

four marthas
photo: Alle / Revelist

Also, my dog really likes fennel. Surprise!

My final night of Marley Spoon involved my greatest challenge: STEAK.

marley spoon steak
photo: Alle / Revelist

I have never cooked steak before; my boyfriend cooks it (perfectly) all the time. I prayed that St. Martha would grant me the ability not to burn the shit out of this meat.

After my week of successful cooking, I was feeling really confident — so confident that I went a little off-script and added MORE potatoes to the recipe.

goth potatoes
photo: Alle / Revelist

Marley Spoon emboldened me to add GOTH POTATOES to the REGULAR potatoes. I'm so rebellious.

When it was time for me to cook the steak, I prayed. But I went for it. And I freaking did it!

marley spoon steak
photo: Alle / Revelist

The meat itself was a great cut, and the recipe instructions ensured that I cooked it perfectly. Marley Spoon helped me conquer my steak fear; now I KNOW I can cook anything. Plus, this potato and green bean salad? BONKERS good, and only requires like three things. Definitely making this again.

I give this final recipe another 4.5 Marthas, and my eternal thanks.

martha ranking
photo: Alle / Revelist

Confidence forever!

Overall, my Martha-inspired Marley Spoon adventure was a bit of a life-changer.

alle cooking
photo: Alle / Revelist

Being totally honest, going from Zero to Maximum Cooking was an adjustment. I had to start planning my evenings around the food I was making; the dog was walked earlier, I had to come straight home from work — no socializing! — to start my prep.

But that's not a bad thing! It is BAD to stay at work until late at night, eat cereal for dinner, then fall asleep with a headache. I tell people all the time how important it is to feed yourself right; it's a crucial part of your health and self-care.

And yet I don't do that for myself.

Having ingredients delivered, along with recipes that are simple and healthy, was a game-changer. Not only did Marley Spoon teach me some awesome new things to cook, it showed me that I was ACTUALLY CAPABLE in the kitchen. It boosted my confidence, and made me love fancy sausage like 80% more than I already did.

I may not be a glorious domestic goddess like Martha. But this box has definitely given me a much better grasp of cooking, and all the things that come along with it. And in the end, that's just as damn good.

Plus, I know what an immersion blender is now. Flawless victory.