The lesbian and gay community's made remarkable progress in recent years, but those who identify as bisexual, trans, and queer, especially, lag behind when it comes to bizarre assumptions and hateful rhetoric.
While each identifier has its own struggles, bisexual women are bombarded by dismissive comments and flat-out sexual harassment. Some women who identify as bi feel that their "queerness" is often taken less seriously, especially if they are in a heterosexual relationship, as if their attraction to the same-sex doesn't count.
Some people think a bisexual woman's dating pool is endless, but that assumption largely ignores the struggles we're faced with for being bi on a daily basis. People constantly fetishize our sexuality or think we're unstable and wishy-washy because we enjoy dating from either side. Sometimes our less-woke girlfriends feel uncomfortable around us and misinterpret our affection as sexual advances.
Basically, we're "too gay" for some and "not gay enough" for others. However, we're not fucking gay: We're bisexual, and our sexuality deserves respect, too.
So, if you ever encounter a bisexual woman, here 10 tropes and assumptions to stay far, far, far away from:
"Are you POSITIVE you're bisexual? Are you sure you're not just curious?"
Well, considering my naughty bits tingle just as much when I see an attractive woman as they do when I see an attractive man, I am pretty sure that's an indicator that I'm not just curious. I know what I feel, and you really can't tell me otherwise.
"Psh, you're probably just saying you're bi for the attention."
Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm saying I'm attracted to women and men because I am. It's not trendy, it's not cool, it is a part of my personhood that makes me who I am.
"You can't be bisexual if you've never actually had sex with another woman."
So... when you first realized you were attracted to the opposite sex, did you immediately run out and have sex with the first person you saw? Probably not. No rationale person expects you to validate your sexuality that way, so why is the standard different for bisexual women?
Some bisexual people landed in monogamous relationships with the opposite sex before they got to explore their bisexuality. Step off.
"So you wanna' have a threesome with me and my girl?"
Actually no, not necessarily. Just because I am bi does not mean I am polyamorous.
"Well, can I at least watch you have sex with another girl?"
Nope again. Just because I am bi doesn't mean I am an exhibitionist either.
"So you must want to have sex with all of your girlfriends."
Uh no. I'm not inherently attracted to everyone with boobs.
And in all seriousness, this gets really hairy. Straight women are often very flirtatious and affectionate with each other, because a lot of us like to express ourselves in a nurturing, caring way. We cuddle, we change in front of each other, we hug and kiss, and we literally can do all of that without it being sexual. This is still true of your bi girlfriends too. You don't have to question every intimate moment you've shared with them.
"It must be tough staying faithful."
Why? Because I have more options? Whether I am dating a man or a woman, the truth is they are just as likely to cheat as I am — regardless of their sexual identity. Just because I have a wider scope doesn't mean that I'll cheat.
"You may date women, but you'll totally marry a man."
I am pretty sure that I fall in love with a person, not a body part. If I met a woman that is on life-partner status, I am not going to leave her for a man just because it may be more socially convenient to do so. She is not my disposable plaything. She is a person that I love.
"So which gender do you like more?"
To be fair, this isn't a totally off question to ask (though it's still annoying to have to explain it). Some bisexual people have a preference for one gender, while others don't. Over the years, it can totally change. It just isn't that binary.
"Don't you miss one when you're dating the other?"
Let me paint a picture:
You're dating a really great dude, he is tall, he has great abs and fabulous hair. But his butt isn't that of you ex's who had a FABULOUS butt. Do you miss his butt? Sure. Does that mean you're gonna drop your new dude because he doesn't have that specific butt? No. There are work-arounds for every situation to make sure you're satisfied with your current partner.