pride flag
photo: Getty Images

Boston, there are a lot of really amazing things about you. There's the deep breadth of history, the seafood, and Chris Evans just to start. But your socio-politics is not often one of those things.

Case in point: In the midst of Pride Month, the city has reportedly approved a permit to an extreme-right-wing group called Resist Marxism that'll allow them to have — GET THIS — a "straight pride" parade some time this summer. This unfortunately doesn't come as a shock, seeing as Boston has one of the nation's highest number of same-sex married couples, something I'm sure those "straight activists" just viscerally need to protest.

The upside to this, though, is that until the parade's rumored August 31 date, the internet is going to continue to shred it to pieces. Even celebrities are getting in on the fun.

Yep — Boston's going to have a "straight pride" parade, as if that's even a thing.

And Twitter is both in a fit of rage and is having a field day with jokes, per usual for the social media platform. One user, @failnaut, even made a handy route map for the parade! It leads "straight" into the Boston Harbor. How helpful.

There's already a "straight pride" flag and everything!

And whoever designed it surely failed to notice its similarities to the costume of McDonald's character the Hamburglar. I mean, it really makes sense. The Hamburglar steals beef patties, and "straight activists" steal basic human rights.

People are even preparing their best "straight pride" outfits just for the occasion.

Writer Chrissy Milazzo posted these wonderfully heinous all-paisley dresses that look like they came right out of the year 2006. What an appropriate way to celebrate all the contributions straight designers have made to the fashion industry.

Naturally the internet cannot stop pointing out everything wrong with this concept.

Activist Rosanna Arquette sums up the issue pretty point-blank here. Pride Month and Pride parades exist to combat the years of oppression that the LGBTQ+ community has faced. Straight people don't need that, end of story. The people who feel the need for "straight pride" events are the same ones who want a "white history month" — news alert, every month is white history month because we've whitewashed our own history. 

Not even the biggest names in Hollywood can stay silent on the matter.

And that includes Boston's best boy, Marvel star Chris Evans. He suggested they change the name of the "straight pride" parade to something a little more accurate, like the "desperately trying to bury our own gay thoughts by being homophobic because no one taught us how to access our emotions as children" parade.

A few are even retaliating by giving back to queer organizations.

Mark Hoppus, who you most likely know as that one dude from Blink-182, has vowed to auction off one of his bass guitars (probably worth hundreds of thousands after his use) and donate the proceeds to the Trevor Project, one of the more notable LGBTQ+ charities.

Point of the story, "straight pride" has never been nor will it ever be necessary.

Because seeking equality for marginalized groups and oppressing the ones that already have certain civil rights are not at all the same things. Straight marriage has always been legal. People do not get fired for being straight. Straight people do not get assaulted simply for being visibly straight.

That's not going to change just because we afford basic human rights to people who aren't straight.