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6. Socks.

beautyblender socks
photo: Brittany Fowler / Revelist

I really wish I could tell you why this is a thing. Or why I opted to do this.

The sock absorbed more foundation than every other tool here combined. I was left intently slapping my face with a makeup-caked sock, looking like I'd finally snapped.

beautyblender socks
photo: Brittany Fowler / Revelist

Just imagine walking into your bathroom one morning and finding your roommate / S.O. / family member just hitting themselves in the face with a rolled up sock in the name of beauty. There's no coming back from that.

That's how crazy this makes me look and feel.

Sure, the sock can blend what's already there, but it doesn't do much else.

beautyblender socks
photo: Brittany Fowler / Revelist

Also, it's a sock. I feel like I shouldn't have to put one on my face to stop others from doing so, but this is the world we live in, OK?

7. Tomatoes.

beauty blender tomato
photo: Brittany Fowler / Revelist

We stopped opening kitchen cabinet and drawers and went straight for the fridge. Lord help me.

I didn't think anything would beat the tampon, but the tomato definitely made me feel the absolute silliest.

beautyblender tomato
photo: Brittany Fowler / Revelist

The surface of the tomato wasn't too far off from the silicone bra inserts, so I had to slap the foundation into my skin again. Let me tell you, that tomato was heavy, and it straight-up hurt.

And, because DUH, the tomato left a patchy, mostly bare mess in its wake.

beautyblender tomato
photo: Brittany Fowler / Revelist

At this point, my skin was just begging to go back to the Beautyblender.

8. A hard-boiled egg.

beautyblender egg
photo: Brittany Fowler / Revelist

Possibly the most anger-inducing sponge hack to hit the internet, the egg made me want to cry just thinking about it.

The egg's size and shape might've hit all the corners and creases well, but that certainly didn't make up for the fact that it left its odor all over my face. And the rest of the room.

beautyblender egg
photo: Brittany Fowler / Revelist

Sigh. Putting makeup on my face with smelly, perishable foods is definitely not the future my parents had envisioned for me.

And by the time I was near finished blending everything out, I was caught with egg on my face. Literally.

beautyblender egg
photo: Brittany Fowler / Revelist

Soooooo... no.

This is not a reasonable alternative to the Beautyblender. If you're genuinely taking the time to hard boil eggs in the morning to do this, I recommend taking a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror.

I certainly did after writing this.

And I KNOW you're thinking, "but what about the condoms, Nicola?! THE CONDOMS."

beautyblender condom
photo: Brittany Fowler / Revelist

And to that I say: No. No, no, no. NO. Absolutely not. Why? Because I don't HATE MYSELF, that's why.

beautyblender condom
photo: Brittany Fowler / Revelsit

The last thing my sensitive skin needs is the risk of latex and spermicidal lube. And if you think I'm going to ruin a perfectly good Beautyblender for this post, you are mistaken.

I may be extra, but I'm not delusional.

At the end of my journey, I found that there was only one thing that applied my makeup flawlessly and easily: AN ACTUAL BEAUTYBLENDER.

beuatyblender
photo: Brittany Fowler / Revelist

If you don't want to spend $20 on a sponge (understandable), there are plenty of cheaper options that won't leave you boiling dozens of eggs. Like this one. And this one. And this one.

For the love of God, just use the damn makeup sponge.

beautyblender results
photo: Brittany Fowler / Revelist

Learn from my mistakes; I'm begging you.