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The expensive Wolford tights felt smooth yet soft on the outside, and thick like good quality leggings.

The $6 tights felt like unexfoliated human skin — too slippery, yet somehow rough at the same time.

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If you, like me, have a Thing about textures, this is definitely something to consider. Why wear tights if they make you feel emotionally (and physically) crawly?

The expensive tights felt absolutely glorious on the inside — and even with my hand shoved down into the toes, they were SUPER opaque.

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This may seem silly, but I also really liked that the Wolford tights have a tag in the back (so you know which side IS the back) and built-in heels. Prevents a lot of confusion when you're getting dressed in the morning!

The cheap tights were slightly softer inside than outside, but were only reasonably opaque.

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The material the No Nonsense tights was made of was much thinner and felt more breathable than the expensive version, too.

I was starting to realize that I had no idea what I liked in tights — do I like thick material or thin? Do I like super-soft, or a little rougher? WHO KNOWS.

It was time to try both pairs of tights on. God help me.

Because the expensive tights had a built-in heel, putting them on was easier than anything I'd ever done before. These are 100% struggle-less tights.

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I'm used to jumping around, yanking the waistband towards my ears to get tights on. The Wolford tights ($85, Shopbop) were different — they were VERY snug, thanks to that "control" built in — they slid on easily, and I didn't need to do an interpretive dance to feel comfortable in them.

Once I pulled the $85 tights on, I was sold. I finally understood why people LIKE tights!

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These tights ($85, Shopbop) were soft, yet provided firm support. They were like getting a really good hug, but all over my lower body.

They were opaque — perhaps a little transparent around the contours of my ass, but honestly, what wouldn't become see-through in the presence of my butt?

Most importantly, the Wolford tights had a flat matte black finish that I really liked. Finally, I thought. I see why people actually wear these things!

The rise was high, without being cartoonish.

And they were just. So. Comfortable! I honestly couldn't believe it.

The Wolford tights were as black as my soul, and opaque enough to hide me from the eyes of God. They were also definitely warm enough for a New York winter.

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I felt secure that, if I bent over in these tights ($85, Shopbop), the entire world wouldn't see my crevices.

Additionally, after stretching sections of the tights to check the opacity, the Wolford tights snapped right back into shape which is extremely *chef's kiss*

The final test? I wore these tights with my most static-prone dress... and they didn't stick to my legs for even a second.

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What does Wolford *do* to these tights to make them so good? I'm guessing dark magic.

(And yes, the tights DID match the other black items in my wardrobe. Fellow goth queens know how important this is!)

After my expensive Wolford tights experience, I felt like this:

But would I feel similarly high-kicky after trying the $6 cheap tights?

There was only one way to find out.

I was not as immediately amazed by the No Nonsense $6 tights. As soon as I pulled them onto my feet, a run appeared by my ankle.

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That didn't bode well.

Then it got worse. Despite being thinner, the inexpensive tights were not very stretchy — and they were CLEARLY not made for tall people. I didn't even think I'd be able to get them on.

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Every tall person's nightmare — you put the tights on ($6, Amazon). You pull them up. And then... they stop. You have a sagging bridge between your knees. They won't go up over your butt without creative thinking.

I immediately started having flashbacks to my childhood.

Why.

Is.

This.

HAPPENING.

I finally got the cheap No Nonsense tights on, and readers, it was NOT GOOD.

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These tights are why I hate tights ($6, Amazon). They were uncomfortable to wear and even WORSE to think about — I suffered the physical indignity of tights cutting into my waist and strangling my thighs, while also knowing that my legs had been smooshed into weird shapes. The waistband came up almost to my armpits, but the crotch kept sliding down towards my knees.

I was not in to these, is what I'm saying.

Plus, on no planet are these opaque. These tights were semi-sheer, with a strange gold glitter shift across the control top section.

cheap tights review
photo: Jess Torres / Revelist

No Nonsense, or PLENTY of nonsense?

Seriously. You can see through these tights and into my soul.

These tights may look this sheer because I'm 5'10, and they're having to really WORK to cover my legs. But again — I ordered my size based on the arcane size guide provided by No Nonsense. They're meant to fit. Nobody should have to consult an oracle to get basic black tights that fit them!

As I tried to stop the crotch of these tights ($6) from sinking down to my knees (again), another run appeared — this time right by my knee.

And, as I slipped my dress over my head to test how clingy the inexpensive tights were, THE RUN GOT BIGGER.

This isn't as much a run in my tights as it is a wild sprint to my groin.

MIRACULOUSLY, the No Nonsense tights also didn't make my dress stick to them. And from a distance, they looked pretty cute! It was only up close that you realized...

The "black" tights looked to have a STRONG gray-brown tint. I had committed the cardinal sin of wearing non-matching black clothing!

I peeled the $6 tights off, truly annoyed at my life, at clothing, and at elastic in general.

So, what's the verdict? What did I, a noted tights-hater, take away from the experience?

For starters, I've seen the light. I am IN LOVE with the opaque Wolford tights ($85, Shopbop). I have never in my life worn a pair of tights that's so comfortable, and looks so damn good. I will gladly spend my money on these expensive-ass tights, and feel proud while I do so.

I learned that, in these two instances, you do get what you pay for. I didn't like the super-cheap cheap No Nonsense tights ($6, Amazon), but I *did* learn that a lot of the issues I had with stockings were because I was trying to cram my hams into cheap things. Tall girls, go Wolford. You won't regret it.

That said, I can really see the benefit in having cheap tights on hand. If you need "emergency tights," or you don't live in a place that gets cold very often, or if you're not on the taller end of things, I can imagine that the No Nonsense tights would definitely work. They'll probably get you from A to B, with only a few runs in the process.

But if you need to wear opaque black tights to an event, to work, or if you just enjoy NOT feeling like a butternut pumpkin stuffed into a condom, go Wolford. If they've made me a believer, just think about the brave new world of actually awesome tights waiting for you.