Here I am at the beginning of the day, fully transparent and channeling "Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century," still filled with joy.
While my outfit didn't look anything like my futuristic muse, I wasn't unhappy with my outfit! My jacket was actually pretty cute ($23, Amazon), I found a handmade shift dress that was a mod dream ($90, Sext Pixels), and although I couldn't afford Kim K's originals, I still tracked down some clear boots ($60, Go Jane).
1. It's going to get hot. EVERYWHERE.
I felt like I was living in my very own personal sauna. There was NO airflow in this getup — my TOES started to sweat — and I slowly started feeling claustrophobic.
2. Your clothes will be very noisy.
I felt like a walking potato chip bag. The jacket rustled A LOT, so I had to take it off so I didn't disturb my coworkers. If you're planning on being a spy, I suggest wearing quieter clothing.
3. The elements have no affect on you.
New York City was having one of those misty-rain days, and while everyone looked miserable I felt fineeee. I didn't even need an umbrella — my entire LIFE was an umbrella.
4. And neither does food. #Comeatmecrumbs
Stains can destroy even the cutest outfit, BUT NOT WITH PLASTIC CLOTHING. I ate soup. I ate sandwiches. And by the end of the day, there was NOT ONE STAIN.
5. People WILL laugh at you, but brush it off.
When I walked down the street, I heard someone cackle while I walked by. It might have hurt my feelings, if I didn't feel so fierce.
6. Catcallers *might* come out of the woodwork. But don't let that stop you.
Because of #misogyny, some men may think you're asking for it by wearing see-through clothing. BUT YOU'RE NOT.
I fired off a few choice responses to these sexist idiots, including "Plastic clothing makes it easier to wash off the blood of my haters." Then manically laugh. Always manically laugh.
7. You'll have a pool of sweat in your shoes.
I had to repeatedly take off the boots, because I was basically swimming in my own foot sweat. Every two hours, there was practically a puddle of perspiration in my boots. It was gross and weird.
Even weirder: since there's no ventilation, the boots FOGGED UP.
8. Clear clothing is a great diversion tactic.
The day I wore this outfit, I had a massive, unicorn horn-sized pimple, but miraculously nobody noticed. I *think* it was because I wasn't wearing pants.
Lesson learned. If you're having a strange hair day, wear a clear dress.
9. You will be in pain. Unexpected, terrifying amounts of pain.
Don't get it twisted: wearing plastic is pain. The top of the boots were thick and sharp, so all day I had sharp edges digging into my thighs.
Which was unfortunate, because the boots themselves LOOKED GREAT. They were even comfortable for heels! They were easy to walk around in, even on the cobblestone streets of NYC, but the beauty definitely came at a price.
10. You'll learn a lot about yourself when you #faceyourfears and embrace the clear.
I'm used to taking fashion risks, so when I initially envisioned wearing this unconventional outfit, I thought it was going to be easy.
However when the day came, clear clothes left me terrified. I was nervous to get up and grab a glass of water, much less walk outside of the building. I didn't want to be the center of attention in a huge crowd of people, but I decided to use it as an opportunity to build my confidence... instead of trying to avoid everyone.