photo: Boohoo

No, these are not two adorable tiny little holiday wreaths. These are for your boobs.

You're hearing me correctly. These tiny little bauble-and-garland creations do not hang off your front door, but sit proudly atop your nipples underneath what I'm assuming is some also festive Santa-themed lingerie.

If you're as shocked as I am, welcome to the apparently flourishing world of holiday nipple pasties. People here are apparently extremely hyped about hiding their nipples with Christmas decorations.

Yep — Christmas wreaths for your ta-tas totally exist.

photo: Boohoo

UK-based retailer Boohoo is responsible for them, because of course it is.

photo: Boohoo

I'm kind of terrified of them, but also my 12-year-old hindbrain can't help but think of the sound they'd make if you shimmied around in 'em.

photo: Giphy

And here's the real kicker, though: People love them so much, they SOLD OUT. 

photo: Boohoo

So yeah. If you saw them and immediately wanted to buy them for ... reasons, you can't. But thankfully, Boohoo has a few other ~fun and festive~ titty decorations for you to choose from.

photo: Giphy

You can have these fluffy nipple feathers!

photo: Boohoo

($5, Boohoo)

Or these bells for optimal jingle.

photo: Boohoo

($5, Boohoo)

Present your two best girls as the present of a lifetime with these simple bows.

photo: Boohoo

($5, Boohoo)

People on the naughty list will get a kick out of these tassled stars.

photo: Boohoo

($5, Boohoo)

But if not even the holidays can deter you from your all-black aesthetic, these black, tassle-less ones should do.

photo: Boohoo

($5, Boohoo)

Hate the Christmas hype? You're a monster, but screw it! Here are some spooky ones to keep you afloat until next Halloween.

photo: Boohoo

($5, Boohoo)

They can't live up to the original, but they'll just have to do. Sigh.

photo: Boohoo

Now, everybody, sing it with me!

photo: Giphy

Jingle boobs, jingle boobs...