No, these are not two adorable tiny little holiday wreaths. These are for your boobs.
You're hearing me correctly. These tiny little bauble-and-garland creations do not hang off your front door, but sit proudly atop your nipples underneath what I'm assuming is some also festive Santa-themed lingerie.
If you're as shocked as I am, welcome to the apparently flourishing world of holiday nipple pasties. People here are apparently extremely hyped about hiding their nipples with Christmas decorations.
Yep — Christmas wreaths for your ta-tas totally exist.
UK-based retailer Boohoo is responsible for them, because of course it is.
I'm kind of terrified of them, but also my 12-year-old hindbrain can't help but think of the sound they'd make if you shimmied around in 'em.
And here's the real kicker, though: People love them so much, they SOLD OUT.
So yeah. If you saw them and immediately wanted to buy them for ... reasons, you can't. But thankfully, Boohoo has a few other ~fun and festive~ titty decorations for you to choose from.
But if not even the holidays can deter you from your all-black aesthetic, these black, tassle-less ones should do.
They can't live up to the original, but they'll just have to do. Sigh.
Now, everybody, sing it with me!
Jingle boobs, jingle boobs...