By now, you may have noticed an insidious disorder taking over the various Kardashian-Jenners: they are incapable of wearing coats correctly.
Sometimes they slouch them about their hands like wrist-warmers. Sometimes they slide them off their shoulders and grip them around their stomachs like a Muppet-skin stole. Sometimes I can't even identify what they're doing with their outerwear; I guess I just don't understand Kardashian fashion.
And if Instagram is any indication, this "unwearing" of coats has become a genuine trend. So I decided to try improperly wearing four of my favorite coats to see just how awesome — and practical — this look really is.
To properly get into the Kardashian fashion spirit, one needs the right base outfit. And that means it has to be TIGHT.
This is a midi-length nightgown that I bought from Target in a cold medicine haze. It's the most bodycon thing I own, so naturally it was the perfect thing in which to channel my inner Kardashian.
So I attempted the same styling with my own coat — and immediately felt 20% cooler.
This is my favorite leather jacket, btw.
I casually draped a jean jacket from our fashion closet around my midsection, and immediately felt like a ~cool girl~
I'm dangling seductively out of the oversized denim jacket from Khloe's denim line ($265, Good American).
I turned once again to Kylie, reigning queen of wearing coats incorrectly, for how to style an athleisure-inspired look.
Here's the Imagined Styling Checklist for this looqe:
- Pull jacket completely off shoulders.
- Hold it around your stomach.
- Make sure you can see the branding on the sleeve.
Got it? Good. Let's unwear some shit.
I put on an Adidas track jacket and immediately pulled it half-off for an authentically unworn Kardashian experience.
First: This track jacket was the only vaguely athleisure coat I own. Sorry, I know I should really go to the gym.
Second: look at how elegantly it's sliding down my back! That was an accident of very shiny fabric!
Finally: I'm gonna come clean — this technically isn't my jacket. I borrowed it from one of my closest friends about eight years ago and kinda... never gave it back. Sorry that this is how you learn what happened to your coat, AJ.
So I pulled an antique fur out of storage and unwore it like the Kardashadjacent style star I so obviously want to be.
This coat is about 150 years old. It used to be my mother's, and it was (I think) her great-aunt's before that. There's something very old Hollywood about letting a fur slide off your shoulders; this just feels RIGHT.
(Unrelated: This coat is proof that people used to be TINY. The sleeves on this hit me between wrist and elbow. By my great-great aunt's standards, I'm an unfathomable giant.)
LESSON: You really can't dramatically drape a coat if you also have to carry a purse. You need a full retinue of assistants and hangers-on to carry your stuff for you.
Hey, fashion is suffering. Until I can afford my own squad of Instagram-famous lackeys to worry about my life for me, I guess I'll just wear coats on my body the traditional way.