vetements finger gloves

What. The fuck. Is happening.

photo: Totokaelo, Vetements finger gloves, $535

It is a truth universally acknowledged that fashion can be wacky as hell. Exhibit A: these absolutely bonkers red leather "finger gloves," made by French label Vetements, and being sold at high-end online store Totokaelo for a mere $535.

Granted, Vetements is known for being edgier (and pricier) than the average bear, and if you have the kind of budget that allows you to buy their stuff, five hundred-odd dollars is likely pocket change. BUT EVEN SO, these are red leather finger condoms. I've heard of fingerless gloves, but gloveless fingers seems a bridge too far.

Perhaps it means I just don't "get" high fashion, but I have some serious questions about these weird-ass gloves:

1. Why.

2. No really, WHY.

3. Maybe this is my eight years in Chicago talking, but gloves are supposed to keep your hands warm. That is the entire POINT of gloves. Does anyone really have hot palms and cold fingers?

4. Anyone want to place bets on Lady Gaga traveling back in time and wearing these in 2009?

5. Anyone ELSE want to bet that these are actually viral marketing for "Zoolander 2"?

6. How are you meant to use your phone with these? Do they have touchscreen pads on the fingertips? Or do you slide off your luxury digit bandages and THEN tweet about how much #fun you're having at fashion week?

7. What if you get them mixed up and accidentally wear the thumb-glove on your pointer finger? FASHION FAUX PAS!

8. Apparently these come with instructions for how to wear them. How complicated ARE these things?!

9. The model seems to be holding her hands in a very clawlike configuration. Is that because the leather isn't flexible? Seems like a design flaw if these FASHION FINGERS accidentally turn you into HIM from Powerpuff Girls.

HIM: fashion icon.

photo: Cartoon Network

10. Actually, the more I stare at these, the more I like them. Is that insane? It looks like you've dipped your fingers in the blood of your enemies, which is 100% my personal brand.

11. How thick is the leather, and WILL my chunky-ass rings fit over the top of them? Because that would be a fire look.

12. How the hell am I meant to figure out what size I wear? The site tells me that Nora (the model) is a US size 2 in dresses and wearing red finger splints in a size small. Are the two things related? If so, how?

13. Not that it matters, because the site is sold out.

14. Not that THAT matters, because I can't afford to spend six hundred damn dollars on red finger condoms, anyway.

15. Ooh wait, they also come in black?