It’s been 10 years to the day since Jess last appeared on “Gilmore Girls.” When the viewing public left him, he was working at a Philadelphia publishing house — where, in a real dick move, Rory showed up and kissed him to get back at Logan.
Ten years is a long time, folks. It’s enough time for a person to experience several evolutions of self and arrive unrecognizable on the other end of the decade. At the very least, it’s enough time to acquire a new car.
Not the case with Jess. If we’re to believe the picture a fan shared on Instagram last week, his beloved bucket-o-bolts was spotted in the “Gilmore Girls” set parking lot:
Jess was super attached to this car, as we all well know. He faced his haters (so, pretty much everyone at that point) in Stars Hollow to come retrieve it six months after deserting to California. That's some real love and dedication to your vehicle right there.
But really, 10 YEARS LATER and Jess hasn't upgraded to a new vehicle? That leaves us with some questions. How much HAS Jess changed? What is he up to today?
Here are some of my main queries on how Jess has — or hasn't — changed over the past decade:
What of his writerly ambitions?
So, at this point, I'm going to guess that Jess has reached moderate, but not mainstream, success. After publishing a short novel, I bet he's published at least two books of poetry and taken a stab at literary nonfiction. Mostly, he favors writing short stories and essays that hearken to the work of his idol, David Foster Wallace. When drunk at bars, he will talk about these books and his ongoing search for the truth of the human condition.
Did he ever get his GED?
Speaking of ambitions, for someone so literary, I can totally picture Jess in later years going after an MFA in creative writing or some such degree. That is, I COULD picture it, if not for the fact Jess flew the Stars Hollow coop before graduating high school. Given his vanity over intellect, can his ego withstand being a forever-high-school-dropout?
Does he still wear that leather jacket everywhere?
Imma go with yes for this one. As the baseball cap is to Luke, so the leather jacket is to Jess.
Did he ever return to California?
If you'll recall, sometime around Season 3, Jess *nearly* got his own spinoff. Called "Windward Circle" (why, though?), the series was to center on Jess's new life in Venice Beach. (See the above photo.) He didn't exactly fit in (again, see the above photo), but considering his dad lived there, it's possible Jess went back to visit or even relocated there for a second time. If so, it's hard to keep an omnipresent scowl on your face when living in the land of sunshine and juice cleansers. Maybe this would have caused his angsty attitude to lighten up?
Has he ever tried men?
Hey, I'm just wondering. It's 2016, people.
Does he still harbor resentment toward that swan?
In a clear ode to his self-important egotism, Jess was attacked by a "vicious, vicious bird" and entirely unable to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Instead, he had to lie, be a general dick, and completely humiliate Rory in front of her grandmother. Because that's OBVIOUSLY how any well-adjusted person would respond to that situation. In the revival, will we find that Jess has miraculously developed a healthy sense of humor?
Which trends of our generation has he embraced?
True, Jess is vehemently anti-trend, but in being so strongly anti-trend, I wouldn't be surprised if he actually came to belong to a certain subset of counterculture trends. We call this subset hipster-dom. Has Jess at any point in the last 10 years sported a man bun? Does he talk frequently and emphatically about the farm-to-table movement? Do he and his pals ride bikes most everywhere? He's definitely been on the staff of a grassroots literary magazine.